My mom like other moms the world around , worries about her kids. This worry is sometimes unfounded and over the top and manifests itself in many ways. I was always the girl whose mom called to check where we were even if i was a few minutes past curfew. I have written about some of this here before.
Off late, especially as I live a few continents away, the worry is a series of instructions related to my health and well being . In my early 20s , I always classified this is nagging. But now that I have Bandar , I actually think I understand her concern more. I came to the conclusion in my postpartum recovery period that my mom probably cares for me more than anyone else in the world does. This to me was apparent when I had a long line of family visitors stay with us after my mom , from both sides and the care I received though not non existent was really minimal. Granted I was past my 6-8 week recovery phase too, but still. I have had candid conversations with the husbadoo about this and finally after a lot of persuading he phrased it as she cares for me ‘differently’ than anyone else does. In our relationship and marriage we have always considered each other strong and able and always think the other can shoulder the responsibilities we are dealt. In my mother’s eyes I am always her baby, her firstborn ( maybe the firstborn part makes no difference) and all she wants to do is mother me and ensure my well being. Its exactly what I feel for Bandar and I doubt I will think differently when she is almost 30. So it was during this postpartum phase that I stopped getting irritated with her instructions and stopped thinking of it as nagging.Of course , it did not mean I followed her advice.
When she was visiting us here in May, she was shocked to see I did not take heed any of her phone instructions.
She made this list for us before she left and put it up on our fridge with our magnets.She addressed it to both the husbadoo and I.
Take a look.
Does any of this seem excessive? I don’t know – maybe 3 glasses of milk for 2 adults ??When she was writing it a few hours before she had to leave for the airport, I shrugged and thought as usual it was going to be advice we won’t follow but let her continue writing it anyway. I read it only after we got back from the airport and felt a few tears prick my eyelids as somehow I felt her love radiate from this piece of paper towards me. You see, my dad is the hugger in the family. We girls are very expressive with him but not with our mom. That is just how she was raised. My nine yards clad granny would have a fit if any of her girls tried to hug her ever and my mom though is of course a step better but only just. Our hugs and kisses are quick brushes of hands and lips and our “love yous” are scant at the end of phone calls. But this piece of paper somehow meant something to me. My cousin visited recently and saw this and burst out laughing at her aunt ( my mom). Somehow that really upset me and I got very defensive about the whole thing.
Anyway,for this first time on my almost 29 years I have tried to follow some of this. I see this list on the fridge and it makes me smile as I go about my chores. I might be putting away Bandar’s packed lunch box the night before and I see this note and pour myself a glass of milk and smile and think about my mom for a few minutes . And today I am writing this post sipping on my glass of milk .