Archive | July, 2017

Week 3 with Beetle

15 Jul

I sometimes can’t believe it’s been only three weeks since we actually met the little Beetle.She truly completes our little family and is exactly made to fit like the last puzzle piece we were looking for.  She seems to know us now as she stares at us out of her big beady black eyes , that gave her her nickname. 

My happiest moments this week have been when she lies on my chest ,completely calm and happy after a feed. I love holding her there and just taking in the moment. With Bandar , unfortunately I was so caught up in the day to day stress , that I  really don’t think I savored these fleeting moments so much.Maybe this time around these seem sweeter as I know they are so fleeting  and this is in all likelihood my last little baby. 

We learnt this week that Beetle is a slow weight gainer and this is a little worrisome . So we have had doctor and lactation consultant visits and though I am all for supplementing her feeds with some formula soon to see the weight gain start, my vullage of medical professionals want to wait.and i gave to trust them and our little girl to gain with time. So that’s what we are doing and also upping our feeds to every 2- 2.5 hours as we wait and monitor. This week I strongly considered buying an infant weighing scale but good sense prevailed and I decided to not drive myself mad with weigh ins post every feed. Instead we will make do with the weekly visits.

On a few nights this last week, I managed Beetle’s mid night awakenings completely on my own to allow the very sleep deprived working husband to get his sleep and actually be functional the next day. This involved diaper changes, feeding ,burping, lifting Beetle from bassinet to lap and vice versa and reswaddling. I feel this is an achievement of sorts for me as the husbadoo was doing  most  of this, except the feeding itself,  till last week. I really hope nights get easier before I return to work in October.i cannot imagine a full working day with this kind of disturbed sleep.

I started some pumping this week between feeds and there is not more exhausting and frustrating than spending the time  and energy to get  a measly amount . And there is the fun of washing and sterilizing all the parts after pumping .  I tend to get lazy with pumping in addition to the actual feeding itself . I would love to do nothing  but simply hold my baby close after feeds or mindlessly browse the web when I have some downtime . But I really need to pull up my socks and get in a few pumps a day . I know this freezer stash will help me immensely once I go back to work and have busy days.

This week was also a reminder to really come to terms with what we can and can’t do anymore with an infant and a preschooler.  Even simple things like hosting good friends for a short evening visit involved cleaning the house, having basic groceries and having adults and children presentable and it seemed impossible this weekend. So we simple took the liberty of cancelling with the friends and I felt myself completely destress and just enjoyed my quiet evening with Bettle  ,while the husband took Bandar on a grocery run . I also have considered making our cleaner and cook come more frequently over the next year and am strongly considering Amazon Fresh or another delivery service for groceries . Life with two kids and fulltime jobs is going to be harder than I ever thought it would be this next year.

Bandar is definitely getting better with the changes around her. We reinstated a goodness chart and decided that sleep was the biggest fix we had to incorporate to have a good tempered big sister . There is a lot of work to still be done on her bedtime and wake time, but I think with small changes each week, we will get there by the time public school starts in mid August.

My mom leaves in a few days and I am truly going to miss her. She has selflessly left behind my dad , her career and life in India, and has done so much for me and my family these last two months. She doesn’t expect any gratitude or appreciation and I really am at a loss on how I would ever repay her kindness if I even tried. I guess you simply don’t keep score with family.

I definitely do not do well with confinement of any sort. I went downstairs a few times this week for a cup of tea and a meal or two and that itself did wonders for my mood.  I also drove Bandar to school today which made both her and I very happy. I am not at a 100 percent or even at an 80 yet but will get there over the next few weeks. I hope to be more mobile in this time and even baby wear soon. Most carriers and slings advise waiting till the baby is 8 lbs and our little peanut is not yet there. To keep my sanity I have been watching a few light sit come and shows , the kind that I absolutely do not need to think about – the Bachelorette, last few episodes of the Mindy project , Fresh of the boat , Blackish.  I think I need a few more weeks before I actually catch up on Scandal,OITNB and other heavier stuff. 


Week 2 with Beetle

8 Jul

Week 2 was such a mixed bag.On the one hand ,  I have had to tell myself a hundred times this week that this is a phase and that it will pass .In my head,   I have been fast forwarding  all of us to even 6 months down the road and thinking  of a time when my life will actually be something beyond  that of a cow. Then on the other hand , there have been wonderful peaceful evenings like the evening of  July 4th when everyone was out watching the fireworks, except Beetle and I. Just staring at Beetle’s calm, wonderful face between feeds and holding her in my arms gives me an enormous sense of fulfillment and happiness.  I find myself clinging to all the “newbornness” that is her during these moments.

We had a few decent nights with Beetle getting up or rather us waking up Beetle every 3 hours for a feed. But then as each feed takes close to 40 mins and throw in a diaper change and some soothing and rocking in there,we end up with about 2 hours in between to actually sleep. With this, the sleep deprivation in week 2 was actually worse for me than in week 1. The adrenaline and initial high from delivering a baby that gave me a boost  of energy in  week 1 have disappeared at this point and I am just pretty much exhausted all the time. I think the husband is sleep deprived and exhausted too. Though I obviously do the breastfeeding, he has been changing the night diapers and also transferring Beetle from me to to the bassinet each night. I really need to be doing this now as we are two weeks in and it’s about time . I am going to make an honest effort to not wake him up this week to help with this. As he actually went back to work this last week I have no idea how he is even coping with this exhaustion. 3AM feedings bring out the worse in both of us and we are snapping at each other quite a bit at that point. This is understandable as we are usually awake but sleepy for the midnight feed and just about get into a deep slumber by 3 am. After the 3 am feed,  we both get another precious 2 hours and then the early morning feed is really time to get up and start the day with Bandar, school and work for the husband. I don’t see 3 am feeds disappearing for a good time  yet , so I really need a good gameplan to tackle them daily. I think napping during the day is the answer but I usually barely get one hour during the day to nap and its hardly enough.

Bandar was home a good bit over the long weekend and the husband was her sole caregiver.  Again we have good and bad big sister days, the majority being good.On the whole she is great with Beetle. Any anger or behavioral issues are directed at us.My patience is definitely at an all time low when she has a mini tantrum( I blame it on the lack of sleep and general stress  )  and I long for my kind,loving child  from a month ago. I know she is  in there somewhere and that this is only surfacing because of all the changes around her. As such, Bandar is still very manageable and I still strongly feel that quality time with either parent is the cure for even the small meltdowns she is having and we are trying our best to give her that.

The husband went back to work at the start of   week 2. Bandar of course is at school all day. Being home with a baby day after day is really not as cracked up as it’s supposed to be . At some point in the week , I even lost track of which day we were on.  My mom really wants me to follow a confinement period that  is hard for anyone with my personality. I was pretty much go, go,go until I delivered my baby  and staying  in one room all day long is freaking hard. But  then even a little exertion like standing in line at the doctor’s office ,  still tires me out ridiculously and I then begin to think that maybe this rest period is very  much needed. We also had a few ceremonies this week for both sides of the family ( I absolutely hate rituals for a baby this small but thats another story ) and we has some guests and though I got through everything in an exhausted haze, I found myself barely able to hold myself together physically when I as much as went downstairs and tried to make conversation . I stayed for the parts that Beetle and I were required for and hastily beat a  retreat to my bedroom. I find myself unable to focus on one topic or conversation for too long and my head gets really heavy , undoubtedly the lack of sleep again. Hoping I can get myself together in less than two weeks time before my mom leaves.