Week 2 with Beetle

8 Jul

Week 2 was such a mixed bag.On the one hand ,  I have had to tell myself a hundred times this week that this is a phase and that it will pass .In my head,   I have been fast forwarding  all of us to even 6 months down the road and thinking  of a time when my life will actually be something beyond  that of a cow. Then on the other hand , there have been wonderful peaceful evenings like the evening of  July 4th when everyone was out watching the fireworks, except Beetle and I. Just staring at Beetle’s calm, wonderful face between feeds and holding her in my arms gives me an enormous sense of fulfillment and happiness.  I find myself clinging to all the “newbornness” that is her during these moments.

We had a few decent nights with Beetle getting up or rather us waking up Beetle every 3 hours for a feed. But then as each feed takes close to 40 mins and throw in a diaper change and some soothing and rocking in there,we end up with about 2 hours in between to actually sleep. With this, the sleep deprivation in week 2 was actually worse for me than in week 1. The adrenaline and initial high from delivering a baby that gave me a boost  of energy in  week 1 have disappeared at this point and I am just pretty much exhausted all the time. I think the husband is sleep deprived and exhausted too. Though I obviously do the breastfeeding, he has been changing the night diapers and also transferring Beetle from me to to the bassinet each night. I really need to be doing this now as we are two weeks in and it’s about time . I am going to make an honest effort to not wake him up this week to help with this. As he actually went back to work this last week I have no idea how he is even coping with this exhaustion. 3AM feedings bring out the worse in both of us and we are snapping at each other quite a bit at that point. This is understandable as we are usually awake but sleepy for the midnight feed and just about get into a deep slumber by 3 am. After the 3 am feed,  we both get another precious 2 hours and then the early morning feed is really time to get up and start the day with Bandar, school and work for the husband. I don’t see 3 am feeds disappearing for a good time  yet , so I really need a good gameplan to tackle them daily. I think napping during the day is the answer but I usually barely get one hour during the day to nap and its hardly enough.

Bandar was home a good bit over the long weekend and the husband was her sole caregiver.  Again we have good and bad big sister days, the majority being good.On the whole she is great with Beetle. Any anger or behavioral issues are directed at us.My patience is definitely at an all time low when she has a mini tantrum( I blame it on the lack of sleep and general stress  )  and I long for my kind,loving child  from a month ago. I know she is  in there somewhere and that this is only surfacing because of all the changes around her. As such, Bandar is still very manageable and I still strongly feel that quality time with either parent is the cure for even the small meltdowns she is having and we are trying our best to give her that.

The husband went back to work at the start of   week 2. Bandar of course is at school all day. Being home with a baby day after day is really not as cracked up as it’s supposed to be . At some point in the week , I even lost track of which day we were on.  My mom really wants me to follow a confinement period that  is hard for anyone with my personality. I was pretty much go, go,go until I delivered my baby  and staying  in one room all day long is freaking hard. But  then even a little exertion like standing in line at the doctor’s office ,  still tires me out ridiculously and I then begin to think that maybe this rest period is very  much needed. We also had a few ceremonies this week for both sides of the family ( I absolutely hate rituals for a baby this small but thats another story ) and we has some guests and though I got through everything in an exhausted haze, I found myself barely able to hold myself together physically when I as much as went downstairs and tried to make conversation . I stayed for the parts that Beetle and I were required for and hastily beat a  retreat to my bedroom. I find myself unable to focus on one topic or conversation for too long and my head gets really heavy , undoubtedly the lack of sleep again. Hoping I can get myself together in less than two weeks time before my mom leaves.


4 Responses to “Week 2 with Beetle”

  1. thewordsgetacanvas July 9, 2017 at 6:36 am #

    Take care . Yes try and bundle up yourself and that surely will make things little easier. I realised that even a 20 min power nap in the day made a difference to my energy level . But of course this phase is soon replaced by another phase 🙂

  2. Bhavani July 9, 2017 at 10:33 am #

    Hi Pop,
    The first 2-3 weeks are the toughest until all of you fall into a decent routine. Hang in there…Try to nap during the day when possible…take care…am sure week 3-4 etc will get better and better….take care…

    • popgoesthebiscuit July 10, 2017 at 12:59 am #

      Thanks B! I had forgotten how hard this period actually is. Hoping each week gets better

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