Doing and not just dreaming

19 Feb

One of my biggest fears for Bandar as she grows up is she will not be a “doer”. I want her to have aims and dreams and take serious steps to achieve them and I will stand by her in every way if she falls short. But I am going to be more than a little irritated if she makes no attempt to get of her butt and start trying to get there. I guess I will be totally okay with her not having very specific dreams and aims either. I just am not okay with her making not working towards aims that she has. I strongly believe in working hard to get to your goal and really have no sympathies for laziness or excuses.

One of my mentors told me very early in my career that I would make an awful manager if I did not change this vision – “You will have to manage people of every kind”, he said. “Some may not be as motivated employees as you and you might struggle with motivating them” . Looking back at this, I do believe I have grown to accept that everyone has different goals. I can now appreciate an employee who just wants a paycheck and a stable job and no growth or other aspirations. But what would undoubtedly irritate me would be an employee constantly saying he has goals to get to say the next vertical level, but make zero attempt to get there despite a strong support system.

There is the exam in my line of work that one should probably take if they are fairly serious about the role. The exam is notoriously known as one that is hard to pass in the first attempt, though I would argue that one really cannot fail it if they study. Anyway, I learnt about the exam in 2010 Jan, and by 2010 Nov I had passed it. This involved figuring out how to apply to take it, finding resources in the company to support me, finding and attending a prep class, getting my organization to pay for it and of course studying and not procrastinating and taking it. I remember not cooking at all for a good 1 week as I prepped for it – I really gave this exam my all, like I do most things in life. My best friend has been “wanting” to take this exam since 2008. So she has borrowed my prep material atleast 3 times in the last 7 years, but she is yet to even fill the forms or prep seriously. I have offered to help multiple times with all of it, including form filling work but it is always put on the back burner in her life. I have another friend in NYC, who is going the exact same way with regards to this exam. I have had to take the material from non-committal friend A to give to friend B and have ultimately lost my amazing material in the process and with the many moves in my life recently. And neither of these two girls have appeared for the exam. It irks me every time I lament my lost material.

Setting aside the career stuff, I really think this applies to every aspect of your life. The friend who keeps saying he wants to get married  – either go the arranged marriage route or actively pursue this yourself. Making no attempt in either regard for the last 4 years I have known you is not the way forward. The friend who constantly says she wants a baby – I am super, duper happy that they are finally trying and she did whatever was necessary to get to this point , be it convincing the husband ,starting prenatals or anything else. The friend who is always saying she wants to lose 20 lbs – I am your strongest supporter once you get off the couch.

Its okay if you are not really very clear about how to achieve your dream – say, setting up a small business. You can always do the research and understand the steps to get there and work towards them.Or not – some aims, just die once you do go and research the life out of them and that is okay too. You atleast tried and went down the path.

So in short, I am absolutely a person of action, and really hope my child is one as well.

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6 Responses to “Doing and not just dreaming”

  1. Arch February 19, 2016 at 10:38 am #

    You should be my Guru! I am the total dreamer. 😦
    I dream of doing and achieving a lot of stuff, but when it comes to the ‘doing’ part, I get nervous, scared, lazy, disinterested and what not! Finally I procrastinate. 😦 Many times I have felt the need of a guide, who could tell me what I should do to stay on track and achieve something.

    • popgoesthebiscuit February 19, 2016 at 8:11 pm #

      There is a profession here called life coach. Guess they would be this person. Dont be nervous babe. If you have a serious goal…you can pick and prioritize from your many dreams , do take baby steps towards it. Worst case is you fail or lose interest and that is fine too

  2. ameliadelphino February 20, 2016 at 1:30 am #

    I have come to learn in my life and superlatives never work. People have been actively doing things they love but are lazy in some other things. I have noticed myself working hard for one of my goals but not so hard on other goals. I used to be like this where I used to expect that everyone have to do it if they promise it. While it is a nice expectation, it hurts people around us when we point this out and make them feel bad. Your child may want support in what she enjoys in that part of her age vs being expected to do it if the goal is set. Goals keep changing. I remember going to several different classes and dropping out as a child and am glad my parents did not force me to complete it once I liked it. I no longer enjoy them and enjoy doing something else now. Just my thought 😊

    • popgoesthebiscuit February 20, 2016 at 2:49 am #

      I am okay if my child decides not to pursue a sport or extra curricular activity after she asks to be enrolled. After all what do kids know about interest. My post was aimed more for when she was older with real aims in life.If she is 16 and says she wants to be ballet dancer as a professional , i would expect she take real steps like classes and practice. Not just sitting around telling me this every few weeks. And I am totally okay with her trying stuff and dropping them too. My grouse is not working towards stuff that you really say you want.

  3. Pepper February 22, 2016 at 12:54 pm #

    Damn! I am just the kind of person you would hate. I am totally not a doer. And yes, I also keep repeating and saying I want to do things and then never take any action on that front.

    Here is the irony, I get as irritated by people who keep talking about wanting thigns without doing anything to pursue them. And yet, I know I am exactly like that.

    I feel so hopeless.. Hope I can change one day.

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