Trust

11 Aug

Should you trust your kid? More specifically, should you trust you super smart almost-3-year-old to tell you the truth? Let me elaborate. Maybe 6 months ago, when we had started potty training Bandar in NYC, we bribed her as is customary in potty training with candy. We told her that every time she used the potty for pee pee she would be awarded with a few M&Ms. I bought a family of M&Ms to prepare for the next few months ( I ate most of these  when potty training was  a failure in the first few months, but that’s another story) and we started persuading Bandar to use the potty. Bandar flatly refused to go on the potty at home. One day she arrived from school, proudly stating she had used the potty there and demanded her reward. After some prodding on the series of events, she gave me details that she had indicated to her teacher that she needed to use the potty and that she successfully had. It all still seemed untrue though as she refused to use it at home. I don’t exactly remember if I rewarded her or not that day with her candy. I did however ask her teachers about it the next day and they as expected, told me that she had not used the potty at all. So the husbadoo and I were a little shocked that our two year old had told us her first lie (or so we think) and we spoke to her about how its most important to always tell the truth, and that we as her parents would always love her and wouldn’t be mad, but telling the truth was of utter importance. All that general crap that parents give their kids , you know.

Little hypocritical of us of course. Atleast me, as I have told my fair share of lies to my parents growing up. Looking back, most of them were little white lies and never really harmed anyone. Apart from the whooping big one related to dating the husbadoo in my college years. But I do not that to be the case with Bandar at all. The lying I mean, not the choosing who to marry thing. I want her to be comfortable enough to tell me anything and everything and not have any worry about how I might react. And I on my part want to be completely unfazed by anything she tells me. Of course, this is the stuff all new age parents strive for and we are no different.

Anyway after that first little lie, the importance of telling the truth has come up a few times in stories and shows and I hope the message has left an impact on her.

Now we are at a good 6 months after the first incident and have had a few months of potty training progress. This next bit might be TMI , and poor grown up Bandar several years from now is not going to be pleased one bit that I shared this with the world, but here goes! Pee pee in the potty is a daily /several times a day affair but poop transition from diaper to potty only happened last week. So it’s all still fairly new. We have been rewarding with little toy cars (Hot wheels) for poop in potty success. Earlier in the week, Bandar inquired if two poops a day would result in two cars and though I was inclined to reply in the negative to ensure our limited car supply is stretched out a few more weeks, the husbadoo promptly replied that that indeed it would! So of course, now I couldn’t go back and say that rewards were limited to one car a day , irrespective of the number of successes. Anyway, yesterday Bandar came back from school and mentioned casually that she had poop success at school. My first instinct sadly was to not believe her ( the girl who cried wolf or rather poop) . Anyway. prodding questions were posed by me, answered satisfactorily by Bandar and the husbadoo was consulted on the earth shattering decision of whether a toy car was to be handed over or not. Finally the husbadoo tells me that we have to trust our child and so trust we did and the little reward ceremony happened.

I have told the husbadoo to check with the teacher today at drop off, so we will find out if indeed it was true. I feel a little bad even confirming, doesn’t it take away from the stance we took to trust our child in the first place? Oh well, we are human and at this point we just have to know if the deed really was done at school yesterday or not! If it did not, the apple sadly did not fall from the tree here and we have a few more lessons on no fibbing to go through. I will update you all either way!

Do you implicitly trust your kids with the little stuff? Do you let past little lies cloud your judgement? Would love to hear opinions!

Bandar's cars from the last few weeks.

Bandar’s cars from the last few weeks.

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15 Responses to “Trust”

  1. Dil On The Rocks August 12, 2015 at 10:34 am #

    Hahah. We haven’t been there yet. But I somehow just trust everything they tell me. Atleast I don’t show that I am doubting them in front of them. I was told last week that I fell in the water and I had to nod and say, yes I did.

    Hopefully Bandar really won her car this time 🙂

    • popgoesthebiscuit August 12, 2015 at 10:56 am #

      So we learnt from her teacher today that she in fact did have a successful potty attempt. And one more today, so she’s on a roll:)

      • Dil On The Rocks August 13, 2015 at 6:11 am #

        Yayy! That’s awesome 🙂 Keep the cars coming. 🙂

  2. Bhavani August 12, 2015 at 11:29 am #

    I would not totally trust my kids honestly:) have caught them lying for silly things….but as you pointed I always give them gyan about saying the truth even if Amma gets mad etc etc……I would just think it a phase of growing up and getting smarter….I have lied for a few silly things to my parents when growing up and laugh about it now….

  3. Arch August 12, 2015 at 11:46 am #

    It seems like such a tough job. I wonder how I will manage when my turn comes!

  4. Greenboochi August 12, 2015 at 2:45 pm #

    Few days back I watched a show on Nat Geo where I learnt that telling lies is one of the hacks we as humans learn quite early in our life. It is a part of our brain’s development plan 😀 A small baby crying for attention is a perfect example it seems. In an experiment they conducted with 7 kids, only one told the truth and rest of them all told white lies. So I would assume that its a part of brain development 🙂

  5. Pepper August 12, 2015 at 3:53 pm #

    Haha.. this is too cute. I have lied a lot to my parents as a child.. I threw my milk out of the window every morning and told my parents I had finished my cup, solemnly.. Until my neighbour come and told my parents that he had been finding splashes of milk and sticky stains on his scooter (and surrounding ones) that were parked exactly beneath our window.. he had been seeing them for months and had reported it only now.. I was given big lectures about how bad it was to be dishonest…

    This incident happened just a few months after my mom had caught me throwing my milk in the sink. After that they had started guarding the area around the sink while I drank my milk so that I dont get to do it again.. So I had taken to throwing it out of the window.. Now after the neighbour told them, they probably must have thought I am the biggest liar ever..

    I have a hundred other instances where I lied to my parents as a kid. I totally stopped lying to them after a particular age. I have been brutally honest with them… I even fought with my parents when I told them I wanted to go to Goa with my ex… and i finally went even though they disapproved.. but i hardly ever lied to them..

    But when I was little, I was a big liar.. I would never trust my kids to be honest with me while they are young.. haha..

    • popgoesthebiscuit August 12, 2015 at 9:14 pm #

      I did the milk thing too..down the sink. Man, I am amazed at the wonderful relationship you have with your parents

    • princessbutter August 13, 2015 at 12:07 am #

      I have done the milk thing too! First in the sink, then in this plant behind the kitchen in the balcony. Mom caught me when she saw a cat licking the pot. Lol.

  6. More than words August 12, 2015 at 9:22 pm #

    Haha such a cute post … I would love to say I trust my daughter completely but sadly I have doubted her on more occasions than I care to count inspite of the fact that daughter is a very honest little girl. Bandar seems to be working on quite a collection of cars !!

  7. srividhya August 12, 2015 at 10:01 pm #

    Love that car collection.. Vaandu has a similar collection too. These cars get bath, food and what not? Coming back to trust and lies.. its the part and parcel of parenting I believe.As you mentioned I want my kid to be comfortable with me and tell anything and everything. Hopefully I react in a positive way.
    I dont trust him always. So far I am able to figure it out when he is not telling the truth. I have to keep telling him that amma and appa wont scold and not to hide things. But these kids naa they find a way for everything and answer for everything. Last week I figured out he is up to something and when I found out he was telling me “amma I know you will be sad and upset and I didnt want to hurt your feelings. So I didnt tell. I wont do it again..” I was like ????? I dunno how teenage is going to be… Sighhh

  8. princessbutter August 13, 2015 at 12:09 am #

    To make you feel better, my mom has no trust on me. Even though I tell her most of the things I do. But I do filter things.
    On a side note, I wish someone would give me something when I poop. :-/

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