Day 23 : The First Night!

24 Jan

For those of you who opened this post , expecting some juicy details, sorry to disappoint. You dirty minds!  This post is about a “first night” though, the first night with your newborn and your spouse in the hospital. There, how many of you shut the page and wondered off elsewhere now? Anyway , those of you left reading , here are my two cents.

The birth of your newborn child is obviously a very exciting , special moment and you should be able to decide who participates in it. In the US, the spouse is usually in the room for a natural delivery and even a C-section, unless it is an emergency C-section or something. (Someone inform me please how this works in India.Just curious!) The hospital that I gave birth to Bandar in, you can actually have any number of family members and friends with you in the room. Your whole entourage,  if you like!  As long as they are not distracting the doctor. The doctor can choose to kick anyone out, whenever she/he likes. Oh on a side note, some of my friends sneakily used this to talk to their doctor beforehand and have their mother-in-law out of the room. Smart, huh? Anyway, in my case I knew I wanted the husbadoo and my mom by my side. My aunt (my mom’s older sister) was visiting her own kids in the US at that time and came to Texas for the birth of my baby a few weeks prior and I was totally okay with her being in the room. In fact, I think she loved the whole thing, as she even missed the birth of her own grandbabies.So the experience to her was very special and I am so glad I had her there too.

Now comes the huge decision – we knew in our mandatory hospital tour that we did before the birth, that only one person was allowed to stay with the mom and baby overnight in the room. I was retained in the hospital for two nights which is the norm for a natural delivery. This decision was a really hard one , atleast for me to make. I knew my mom wanted to be there. She had spoken about it more than once and she almost saw it as the main reason she came from India – to help out with the baby and to take care of me.  On the other hand, there was the husbadoo , my partner. He had held my hand all through the nine months and this was as much his baby as mine. I discussed this at length with my younger sister over the phone, for months prior to the delivery. As you can guess the deicison was plaguing me terribly. It was only fair in my head for me to have him with me those two nights at the hospital. We had to tell this to my mom when she saw the husbadoo packing his clothes into the hospital bag before we left home for the delivery and I do think she was quite hurt by it. It was not like she was going home alone or anything. My aunt was with her and it was not like I shoved her to the side after I had my baby.

The delivery happened and there was a lot of general cheering, rejoicing  and chaos in the room once the baby was born. My mom and aunt wanted to call every single person in the world – my grandmom, my dad, my other aunt in India, my other grandparents , the hsubadoo’s parents, my aunt’s children and so on. Although I was really patient about their excitement and understood it at that time, I feel it almost took away from those few moments of bonding that the husbadoo got with Bandar. He was distracted and he said aloud that he did not intend to call his parents for another half an hour atleast, till he was done seeing with his daughter.

After about an hour of hanging out in the labor room and starting some breastfeeding etc, Bandar was whisked away to be bathed. Everyone went with her and I got some time to talk to my dad on the phone and some close local friends who were on their way to the hospital to see us.After Bandar came out nice and clean, we were taken to the recovery room where we were to be staying for the next two days. My friends who came to see us left and they took my mom and aunt with them to drop them at our place. I knew again that my mom wanted to stay, but the deciison had bene made and I wanted to stand by it. I also at that point was really yearning to have a few moments alone with the husbadoo and Bandar.

And that is exactly what we did that night.We got some special pictures of the husbadoo and his daughter , we looked at her all over, marveled at her tiny little fingers and toes, at her hair, at her length, her little snub nose that looked nothing like either of ours. Just 30 minutes but so precious and wonderful in every way. Bandar was sleeping for the most of it. She actually slept decently well that first night. We sent her to the nursery for a few hours too when we realized we were incapable of comforting a newborn.   It was already well past midnight , by the time we settled down to sleep – husbadoo on the small couch in the room and me on the hospital bed. I couldn’t sleep at all though. Bandar came back to our room in a few hours and the saga of breastfeeding started in earnest . And also my adrenaline induced insomnia started. ( I  do think it was the adrenaline rush, though no doctor has been able to confirm this for me. I actually didn’t sleep for close to 72 hours after giving birth – about 3 days. Oh and I took about double that time – 6 days to finally poop , TMI I know , but that was probably the worst side effect of giving birth and I had to throw it in there to inform other naive mamas-to-be) .  My mom and aunt came back by early morning, so it was not like they were away from the baby or me too long. They stayed almost the full day, and again my mom asked to stay for the second night. Again we told her we would like to manage the baby and again I think she was disappointed. She blamed me not sleeping on this “foolish” decision – that if I had let her stay she would have handled the baby and I could have slept. Anyway emotions were probably hurt in plenty that first week all around, but that said they were a memorable few first days. My mom was of course super involved and busy once we did bring Bandar home, so it was really only those 36 hours or so at the hospital till we were discharged.

So that was our first night. Super special and I hoenstly don’t want to change a thing. Things might actually be easier to navigate for our second baby – there will be older Bandar to take care of and someone will have to stay with her at home. So I might get away with having the Husbadoo and I alone with that one at the hospital too. But its a long way off!

P.S. You can read Bandar’s birth story here.


13 Responses to “Day 23 : The First Night!”

  1. srividhya January 24, 2015 at 4:06 am #

    I totally agree with you. During my labour it was just me and my hubby…And both nights we stayed at the hospital M stayed back. My in-laws were there during my pregnancy. As it was a long labour we sent them home. My MIL was with me during the day time and went back home in the night. I would have done the same thing with my mom too.

    • popgoesthebiscuit January 24, 2015 at 11:14 am #

      Nice to hear your in laws were there…some ones I know have been so loving to DILs during the whole post partum and recovery time especially….especially MILs without girls of their own. I almost think it would have been easier for me to ask my MIL to go home , but not my mom. My mom kind of took it more personally.

  2. Bhavani January 24, 2015 at 6:10 am #

    So true…same here infact in my case my parents accompanied us during the day when I thought I was in labor but I was sent back saying…i was dilated only 1-2 something. But by the same evening/night it was unbearable and so we left my parents at home and went by ourselves. My baby girl was born early next morning and only my hubs was there with me. My Mom could not see me in labor pain so this worked out better. My parents stayed the full day and went back home in the night. My mom was perfectly ok with it.

    For my second one, obviously we had leave behind my 3 yr old with paati and went by ourselves. Infact this time the baby was born late in the eveing, my mom and kid could come only next morning.

    Thanks for this post. I almost relived both the times….now when I think was so magical….holding the baby the first time and all….Sigh…I am done with it all:-)

    Good luck on your second one. My kids are exactly 3 yrs apart and it is a perfect age gap…just saying;)

    And yes you got me on the Title…ha ha


    • popgoesthebiscuit January 24, 2015 at 11:12 am #

      Glad you relived those special moments:) Seriously think I was on such a high that night…maybe adrenaline, endorphins…whatever…just really happpy. Maybe had not sunk in yet. We do want another yaar..left to Bandar to decide we would be having a few more every few years! If only it were that easy:)

  3. Dil On The Rocks January 24, 2015 at 6:34 am #

    What P. I had such high hopes reading the title. Not fair.

    • popgoesthebiscuit January 24, 2015 at 11:14 am #

      Hehe…glad there is atleast one dirty mind out there. You make me proud!

  4. Kavs January 24, 2015 at 7:03 pm #

    Aah! I didn’t doubt for even one second what this post was about 🙂
    Child birth is totally out of this world right and I guess so is post partum recovery. I still shudder from the whole catheter and doing the “business”for the first time. You know I just broke into tears on the second day sitting on a bloodstained toilet bowl in my hospital room out of exhaustion, pain, soreness and god knows what. I wish I can go back and tell that scared me that things will get better.
    Btw, my in laws were here as my parents had just visited. My husband did everything – and some more. How I love him! I just wanted him with me in the hospital and that was that. MIL was really cool and I am grateful for all her love and care.
    P you guys did just the right thing – doing what you wanted, am sure your mom understood where you were coming from.

    • popgoesthebiscuit January 25, 2015 at 10:09 am #

      Tears on the toilet bowl here too, Kavs! Absolutely horrible recovery. Think I wallowed a good bit in self pity for myself and my body parts. And completely justified in my opinion. Yes, everything does get better eventually. Nice to hear your in laws were there and all was good. Smiling about the husband bit…know exactly what you mean. They do a ton ya…not just those two days at the hospital , but the 9 months until the event and after.

      • Kavs January 25, 2015 at 7:05 pm #

        Yeah, i remember my husband telling my sisters that I showed extraordinary strength during childbirth – I’d say he showed his real strong character. He literally became my mother during post partum 🙂 and that’s why my in laws and I had a good feeling about the whole thing. And you are really brave thinking about a second kid 🙂

      • popgoesthebiscuit January 26, 2015 at 9:06 am #

        Will see when we go through with it but I always felt a sibling is great for a child.Awww..about the hubby during labor bit.

  5. Zarine Mohideen January 29, 2015 at 2:42 am #

    AaahI missed reading your posts and I’m catching up now! I love this post!! I’m not planning on having a child right now but omg the unable to poop part is freaking me out!!

    • popgoesthebiscuit January 29, 2015 at 6:53 am #

      Dude, don’t freak out. Firstly ,its different for everyone. Might not be like this for you at all. Just be informed and it all does get better. Miralax this wonderful laxative and prune juice, for months here, not weeks like I thought!
      Btw, were you not going to participate in the marathon too? Was looking forward to reading you..hope all okay:)

      • Zarine Mohideen January 29, 2015 at 9:04 am #

        I was going to participate but I’ve been traveling and moving so did not find the time! Bu tI just updated my blog now so go check it out!

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