Day 2: Routines

2 Jan

Somewhere in the million baby books I read during my pregnancy and postpartum recovery period a few years ago, I remember reading one particularly notable fact- Babies love routine and structure. I somehow related to this factoid so well and Bandar soon had a very precise schedule. Now explaining this to visiting family members and desi nannies in the first year was another story altogether .In the interest of household peace, I often compromised on structure that first year, much to my dismay.

Anyway, once Bandar turned 13 months and the husbadoo and I found ourselves to be the only adults in the picture ( and of course, Bandar’s American Nanny who loved schedules as much as I did, bless her young 19 year old heart)  we quickly reestablished some routines for weekdays . Meals, sleep, park time, bath time ..so on and so forth. It kept us sane and happy as working parents. Weekends were a tad more relaxed but we were forced to set up some routines.  One of this was waking up with Bandar. We no longer had doting grandparents around to hand over a cranky baby to, shut the door and snuggle for a few more hours. We needed to work this out between the two of us.

So here was the scenario. Bandar went to bed fairly early on most nights, while we stayed up till much later, reestablishing specific “us as a couple things” like catching up on our sitcoms and reality cooking shows, binge watching Netflix, eating some take out, sharing some dessert etc. These few things were really important to us and were some things we were not ready to compromise on as a couple. When Bandar awoke at the crack of dawn, the husbadoo woke with her, comforted her if she was crying, changed the overnight diaper, made her the first bottle of the day and got her in a good mood in general. This was while I ,though semi –awake, choose to grab the last 15-20 minutes of shut-eye bracing myself for the day. Give me those 20 minutes and I am golden. I then got up, finished my morning business, made my tea and was able to entertain Bandar for a good 3 hours or so, while the husbadoo managed to sneak back into bed for a few more hours. He can somehow magically fall soundly asleep after being up twenty minutes, A few hours, around 11 am or so, he was up and happy and extremely grateful to me for those few hours. He is such a hands on dad for the rest of the day.This overall set the mood for happy weekend for both of us. Depending on the day, we might both take a nap with Bandar during the afternoon too,.  We still follow this, now that Bandar is over two years old and it works for the most part.

Now, don’t think I happily jumped out of bed e very weekend to watch the baby. There are several days when I feel more than a tad resentful. The vision of your spouse snuggled under the covers, while you are up and about can be very frustrating. Why is he entitled to a few more hours of sleep than me, I question angrily.  On sane days, I remember that he often sleeps a few hours even after me. He chooses to do some “office work” , after I go to bed. On other days when I am at my meanest best, I question how much work he actually did on a Friday night and if he spent those “working “hours watching anime instead. Our Hulu watch list is a sheer giveaway.

Another factor that often makes entertaining Bandar solely by myself extremely hard is the fact that Bandar is such a daddy’s girl. She sees more of me than him through the week and as she’s been getting older, she doesn’t understand why he has to be asleep behind close doors when he was wide awake barely a minute ago. It is a challenge to restrain her and distract her from opening the bedroom door and charging in to jump on him. If I am distracted and not committed to the task of entertaining her ( my tablet/cell phone/a  good book being my major distractions), she escapes and is on his bed in no time at all.

Anyway, more often than not I do manage her for these few hours and peace reigns in our house through the weekend. I was talking to a more experienced mom friend about this little routine and others that we have going and I maybe seemed almost smug for having figured out what works for us. She nodded along and then burst my bubble by telling me that having two kids changes all this and more. There would be no one grabbing three hours of extra sleep, no more three of you snuggling together for a long afternoon nap and probably no more late night couple time. Oh well, we have a few more years to figure all this out, before we take the plunge.

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4 Responses to “Day 2: Routines”

  1. smdeea11 January 2, 2015 at 10:24 pm #

    How I love this post! I guess its the case with every kid. Even my son is the same. And also a daddy’s boy. I sometimes have this strange urge of giving him some cough syrup( which is bad, I know) so that he sleeps for a bit long!

  2. Dil On The Rocks January 3, 2015 at 11:38 am #

    Putting the kids on a schedule is the best thing you can do for everyone around the kid. I had hard time convincing the grand parents about this and then I just figured I didn’t have to. Seeing other kids who are same age as Abhi&achu, and still not on a schedule, I realize what good we have done.

    Our routines are similar too. Murali and I share a lot of work too.

    Yes, until that change comes, this will help. But I am sure it will be easier when you are prepared like this. 🙂

    • popgoesthebiscuit January 4, 2015 at 2:33 am #

      Oh ya..I am sure parenting twins requires a whole other level of partnership between the parents!:)

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