Conflicting Parenting

26 Feb

Growing up, I was over protected to a fault – extra layers of clothing, doctor visits at even the slightest sniffle, mashed food till maybe 2 to prevent choking as a baby and toddler and so on…
As I grew older, it was no venturing out of the colony alone, no crossing roads alone , no playing in the balcony alone…
Later it was no returning late , no traveling alone by trains past a certain time, no eating from roadside vendors …
All of the last set I obviously did not follow through college.
My parents are chronic worriers.Even now, if i return after 10 pm from a business trip, my dad is terribly upset and tracking my flights as he sits in India.
Recently, my folks panicked when our cell phones were not charged for 14 hours and we had last spoken to then from a subway ride to dinner at 8 pm. They went mad with worry about us being out ‘late’ in NYC and getting mugged and not making it home.
Anyway, the point is they sometimes are paranoid about safety.
I do not know whether to get frustrated at their worries or be glad that they care about me. I have shouted, scoffed,cried and even laughed over the years at their worries but for the most part have told myself they are past change and I am just going to be different when it comes to my kids. This was obviously before I had kids!

The husabdoo on the other hand grew up with parents who were pretty relaxed about their kids. I wouldn’t go as far as to say they were lax, but some of the stuff he tells me shocks me.
He had a concussion in the playground that no one knew about, he has been out with friends till the wee hours of the morning since his early teens, he was almost swept away by a river on a holiday, months of untreated illnesses left to heal themselves- the list is long.
The thing is if we were both on a tall tree, my mom would be yelling for us to come down safely , while my mother in law would be edging us on to go a branch higher or coming up herself!

So it is an interesting mix as we parent the Bandar.
We have a flimsy little stool at home and when I was traveling for work a few weeks ago, I get a worried whatsapp message from my mom to please tell the husbadoo to ” put the stool away” when I next spoke to him. Reading her message at 5 am in the morning , i promptly understood that the husbadoo was probably slacking in his poppy diaper disposal chore , only to find out that the little flimsy stool was the cause of my mother’s woe. Apparently while skyping with my parents , Bandar had stood on this stool and turned around and around. As the stool is barely 12 inches of the ground and she was doing this on carpented flooring, the hsuabdoo saw no cause for worry. On the same evening he also skyped with my in laws who watched proudly as Bandar climbed nimbly on her car seat by the couch, pulled herself up on the couch over the arm and proceeded to scale the headrest of the couch- encouraged wildly by her dad and paternal grandparents. My sure footed little mountain goat of a daughter! The husbadoo clicked pics for my benefit and I rather my folks never see these.
I am obviously my parents daughter and moved the stool out of sight and the car seat to a closet.
So it is going to be a fun journey parenting the Bandar through the years. Hopefully we won’t send her too many mixed messages that drive her to the psychologist’s couch sooner than necessary!

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2 Responses to “Conflicting Parenting”

  1. Little Fingers February 27, 2014 at 1:54 am #

    First time here and I can’t stop but amazed how different you and Husbadoo is. This is true in most couples too considering the environment we grow are so different from each other. I would say this will be good for Bandar getting best of both worlds 🙂

    • popgoesthebiscuit February 27, 2014 at 3:12 am #

      Too different, right? Hoping we see eye to eye on important issues as Bandar grows up. Think that is all matters at the end of the day.I can give in to the little things:)

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